I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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