On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
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Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
don't judge my taste in strippers
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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