I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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