she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
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Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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