Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
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I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
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Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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