So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize