mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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