She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize