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I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
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