I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
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Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
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I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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