She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize