Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head

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(412): guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head http://tfl.nu/nsk3

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(858): View more from California

You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.

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(858): You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat. http://tfl.nu/yzbr

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(903): View more from Texas

I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.

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(903): I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better. http://tfl.nu/5s87

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(201): View more from New Jersey

my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.

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(201): my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums. http://tfl.nu/0487

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(757): View more from Virginia

So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof

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(757): So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof http://tfl.nu/xt5p

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(937): View more from Ohio

someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.

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(937): someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome. http://tfl.nu/42y4

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(206): View more from Washington

it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster

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(206): it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster http://tfl.nu/ujaf

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(928): View more from Arizona

Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.

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(928): Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night. http://tfl.nu/fjny

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(907): View more from Alaska

I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess

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(907): I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess http://tfl.nu/1h29

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(573): View more from Missouri

My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.

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(573): My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son. http://tfl.nu/oti7

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(727): View more from Florida

did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?

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(727): did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday? http://tfl.nu/6s83

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(541): View more from Oregon

Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.

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(541): Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached. http://tfl.nu/gtou

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(404): View more from Georgia

Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.

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(404): Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish. http://tfl.nu/tpdo

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(518): View more from New York

I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much

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(518): I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much http://tfl.nu/5fop

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(613): View more from Ontario

Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding

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(613): Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding http://tfl.nu/o6yr

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