We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
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He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
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