I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
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Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
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We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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