You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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