it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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