Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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