My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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