Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
she told me i tasted like america
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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