It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
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I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
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we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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