Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
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my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
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There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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