I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
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