I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
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He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I wish there were birth control emojis
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Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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