I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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