I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize