I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize