i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
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The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
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She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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