Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
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It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
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yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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