My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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