my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You smell like stripper and shame
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
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You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
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This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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