I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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