my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize