Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
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no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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