My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize