Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
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It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
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Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
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