Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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