sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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