I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
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Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
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Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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