It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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