I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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