i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
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He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
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the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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