Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
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dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
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Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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