DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
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i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
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pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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