but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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