She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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