fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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