someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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