I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
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i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
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How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
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