Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
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I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
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I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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