College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
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Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So much rum. So many feels.
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My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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